I Hope You Feel Beautiful Today

In the world today BEAUTY can mean so many things. The people we idolize are models and movie stars. We crush on the action movie stars. We follow fashion blogs and try to recreate outfits or hair styles we see in People magazine. 

My self image is something that I have always struggled with. Especially during high school I always felt like the ugly girl who you would just pass by in the hall. I remember many nights crying my self to sleep wishing that I would wake up and things would be different. I remember going on crazy diets to lose weight, coloring my hair because I thought brunettes were prettier and buying all the latest fashion trends so I could try to fit in.

 

My self worth was so small though some days I wouldn't even try. I would get out of bed throw my hair up in a bun and leave the house in sweats. It seemed so pointless to try and get ready when I knew it didn't matter. I felt like even if I did try it would never be good enough. I would never be as pretty as the popular girls. 

When I graduated high school and moved to Oregon I changed my opinion. Somehow living alone without my family I had to realize how much I was worth. I couldn't just lean on my family when I needed help. I grew up a lot when I was there. It was living in Oregon I learned I loved photography and that I was really good at it. I learned that to make friends you needed to be one. I made mistakes and learned a lot of lessons too. 

When I moved back to Utah I was much stronger. But I still was missing the key ingredient to BEAUTY. I met my future husband shortly after moving back home to Utah. I was instantly swept away in this boy. I couldn't believe this boy was dating me. All of the sudden what I thought of myself didn't matter. THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERED WAS WHAT HE THOUGHT OF ME. I was shocked when he told me he loved me. I couldn't fathom it when he proposed. I couldn't believe I was feeling just a week before the wedding that I was making a huge mistake and that I should call off it off. All that mattered to me though is what people would think of me if I did.

I was so embarrassed to call off the wedding. I knew my parents had spent a lot of money. There was family coming in from out of state. I didn't want to be seen as weak so I let a boy talk me into the biggest decision you ever make because I was scared people would talk bad about me. I didn't want to have to explain why I wouldn't be getting married. So I went through with the wedding and told myself I was just having cold feet. 

At first married life was so fun. I loved having someone to come home to everyday. My favourite thing ever was waking up next to someone. I thought about the future daily and how our lives would change over the next few years. I was excited to see where we ended up together. MY WHOLE LIFE REVOLVED AROUND HOW I FELT WHEN HIS ARMS WERE AROUND ME.  It didn't take long however to see that there were problems. 

At first our problems seemed small and then they grew bigger and bigger.  It got to the point where I hated myself. I HATED THE PERSON I HAD BECOME. I would hide my pain from my friends and family because I didn't want them to see how bad things were. Life seemed to be to much for me to handle. I was experiencing things I never thought I would. I felt hurt beyond belief and betrayed. And then my marriage was ending. 

As I was going through my divorce I felt BROKEN and USED. I thought no one would ever love me again since I had to carry around the baggage of my divorce now. Luckily my divorce took 6 months to finalize. During that time I was so frustrated it was taking so long but I look back now and I am grateful. I needed time to realize I could be strong on my own. I need time to pick up the pieces of myself and sew them back together. And the most beautiful thing happened. As I put myself back together I realized I was so much stronger then I thought. 

I knew I would rather be single for the rest of my life then be in a toxic relationship. I realized the only way to be free of the pain was to learn to love myself. I started to learn how it was to be alone. To not worry what others thought about me. 

I realized I was a beautiful person all along but because I didn't believe it no one else did.

 Here I am at 23 and my opinion on beauty has changed dramatically. I sometimes feel I am much older then 23. Five years ago I wouldn't have pictured myself where I am right now. I am so glad I am exactly where I am though. 

I am BEAUTIFUL. I am surrounded by BEAUTIFUL people who make my life so much better. My crazy life is one BEAUTIFUL mess and  I wouldn't change one second of it. 

BEAUTY isn't about the women walking on the red carpet. It isn't about owning the newest fade or how many friends you have on Facebook. BEAUTY is about something within yourself. It is knowing you have lots of flaws and knowing those flaws make you unique and one of a kind. Once you know how much your worth no one can change your mind. 

If your struggling with knowing how amazing you are, know that I have been in your shoes. It took a long time for me to be comfortable with myself. Loving yourself takes time and can be a journey. But it is a journey worth taking. Only after you discover how BEAUTIFUL you are will others be able to see it too. 

I Hope You Feel Beautiful Today

Please share my blog on Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest if you know anyone who would benefit from reading. My purpose in writing is to inspire people and the only way I can do that is with your help by sharing my blog with others.

Also please take a second and follow my blog to keep up on all the latest entries.

Thank you for your Support! 

Story of My Life

Story of My Life by One Direction

I am kinda loving this song right now. And I love photography and taking photos so the song really spoke to me. Especially this line:

"And time is Frozen. The Story of my life."

If you know anything about my family you know we always have a camera and are taking photos at any given moment. It has been two months since I have felt up to writing. I was taking photos though. My heart has been so full of emotion. Every time I sat down to write I couldn't. Too much was going on in such a short amount of time. Honestly I couldn't handle it. I felt broken. I still do.

 I was having a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago when he asked if something was wrong. He knew about a few things that had happened recently that had challenged me. He could tell that day something was bugging me that I hadn't told him about. When he asked about it I told him I didn't want to talk about it. In actuality I did. I just felt like it would be a burden on someone to listen to me. 

Luckily he insisted that I talk to him. I poured out my heart to him and at the end I apologized. I told him I was sorry I was complaining and that I felt weak for not being able to handle things by myself.  Now he is a pretty smart guy and in response to this he told me that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is lean on someone else when your struggling. 

I have been struggling a lot. 

I sold my condo and moved into a place about 5 minutes from my mom so I can help her out as my family is dealing with Tyler's cancer. 

Packing was very bittersweet. I loved my condo and wasn't excited about selling. It was all mine and a place I had grown so much as a person. It was in these walls I picked up the pieces of my heart after my divorce. It was here that me and Gentry spent two weeks before her wedding making bouquets and decorations and just spending time together as sisters. Koda was brought home here after I bought him on the side of the road. When I moved I left part of my heart. 

Luckily the small hole in my heart will fill up one day when I find the next place that feels like home. 

Thank you Zach, Gentry and Devan for helping me move. They were great to come help me. Zach is my little buddy. He has helped me move and let me cry on his shoulder a lot lately. He has also made me laugh when I am sad and I can forget for a moment about some of the hardship I am dealing with. 

The Tuesday before Thanksgiving Tyler went into the Huntsman Cancer institute for almost 4 weeks. For the first 5 days he received 18 rounds of high doses of Chemo. After that he received a bone marrow transplant. He was so sick and because he had no immune system wasn't allowed visitors. My mom was able to go visit him but none of us kids were able to. It was hard to know how sick he was and I couldn't see him and there was nothing I could do to help. 

I spent a lot of time at my moms during this period helping her grocery shop, clean and with my brothers. I don't know how she has been able to stay so strong and run a company and take care of the family all while being a support to Tyler. She is an amazing woman. Tyler is home now but his immune system is still very weak. Only the immediate family is allowed to see him. And no one under the age of 14 is at all. He is doing well and are looking forward to seeing how he progresses in the next few months. 

Cancer has been really hard on our family. We have become closer because of it but it is always on the back of our minds. We are always thinking of Tyler and the battling he is fighting for his life. It has become a constant worry for all of us. I always have a prayer in my heart that this is just a temporary trail and in a few months Tyler will be healthy again. 

I have also had to say goodbye to this precious face. Koda was hit by a car the Saturday after Thanksgiving. My heart has hurt so much over the loss of my little buddy. He always knew when I was sad or having a bad day and would curl up on my lap and just be with me. I truly believe God put him in my life to help me though the past year and half. Saying goodbye to him so hard. I wish I could of told him one last time how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. Luckily he didn't have to suffer in pain. I feel blessed to have had him in my life.

Koda Bear I miss you so much and I am so grateful you were mine. Thanks for being my little guy and loving me with your whole heart. 

I am glad I took photos during all this. I look back on them and remember exactly what I was feeling. 

So now I am going to bombard you with the Story of My Life the past few months.

Saying Goodbye to my primary class and moving into a singles ward was hard and very nerve wracking. 

Zach keeping a smile on my face when I was missing Koda.

Gentry and Hilary are amazing! Gentry is such a great sister and always has words of wisdom for me. And Hilary is my favorite. She gets me to the gym and motivates me everyday. She is such a spiritual giant and I look up to her. I am grateful I get them as friends.

I did get to go on a Cruise with my mom for work. It was more play then  actual work and we had such a blast. 

I got to celebrate this pretty girls birthday with her. She is a hoot and makes my work day go a little faster. She slides notes under the door when I am in the restroom and sneaks up behind me and scares me so I scream really loudly and freak patients out in the waiting room. Alley your beautiful! 

Downtown Salt Lake City seeing the Christmas Lights on Temple square. Hilary and Ryan are getting married in a few months. I am so excited for them! They are so great together. 

We also saw Santa Claus and an elf. 

Saw the new Hunger Games movie. It was excellent! The company was even better. 

I spent Christmas with my family. This year was simple and really about the birth of Christ and our family this year. It was a very special Christmas. 

We got to Skype with McKay and Shane on Christmas! I completely forgot to get a photo of Shane but I was so excited to talk to both of them! So proud of my missionaries. 

"Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain. I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days."

- Story of My Life 

One Direction

Please share this post on  Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest if you know anyone who would benefit from reading. My purpose in writing is to inspire people and the only way I can do that is with your help by sharing my blog with others. 

Thank You for your Support! 

Just Divorced

      

       Today has been a strange day. I had to met with my ex so he could sign some paperwork for me. I thought it would be a quick meeting, some papers would be signed and then we would go on with our day. I really wasn't worried about seeing him and didn't think it would be a big deal. We met and I asked how his family was and he asked about mine. And we ended catching up for a bit. 

       I noticed we had been talking a while and he all the sudden seemed a bit nervous. I could tell there was something he needed to get off his chest. "So I have read your blog." It had never crossed my mind that he would read it. I should have because you know gossip travels like lighting. He expressed to me his thoughts on it and his families thoughts. The thing he asked is why now. Why was I making all my thoughts and feeling public now. I didn't do a great job of explaining this when I started this so I will explain now. 

        The past year I have kept many journals. Whenever I couldn't handle something I would write about it. If I have learned anything in the past year it is that my divorce is my baggage that I will always carry with me. My divorce has effected most decisions I have made. And I wrote my thoughts and feelings down the whole time. So most of the posts are journal entries that I have adapted. I choose to share it now because it has been a year and I felt like enough time had past and I was ready to share my experiences. I was hoping people who were judgmental towards me might better understand better. 

       We ended up talking for quite a while. He told me how he found out through the grape vine about my blog and how when he first read it that he was upset that I was bringing up old history. I understood completely where he was coming from and we talked about it. I just want to clarify again why I write. I write because I felt so alone at times I would have loved to hear someone else's story. I write because it is very therapeutic to me. Not all my posts are going to be about divorce but my divorce is apart of me so I will continue to write about it.  

Mainly this is why I write: 

This is why I write and I am not stopping anytime soon.






Please share this post on Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest if you know anyone who would benefit from reading. My purpose in writing is to inspire people and the only way I can do that is with your help by sharing my blog with others. 

Thank You for your Support!

Lessons Learned..... Part Two

    Before you read this post I would suggest reading Part One. Yesterday I shared the lessons learned from my divorce. Today I am going to share the things I have learned about marriage. 

Lessons Learned about Marriage

    Before I get into the list I just want to say I am not an expert. Obviously my marriage didn't work out. You might disagree with some of this and that is okay. This is what I have found to be true in my life. 

1. Choosing who you marry is the most important decisions you will ever make. The person you marry is going to be by your side for the next 50 years. They are going to be there for the highs and lows in your life. You need to be able to trust this person with your whole heart. 

2. Marriage is hard work. I don't know how many people told me before I got married that marriage was hard but I still didn't believe them! Boy did I learn fast. Marriage is the toughest job you will ever have.  

3. One of the most important things you can do in a marriage is pray together. Praying together will not only bring you closer to your spouses but also invite God into your marriage. Marriage is an eternal blessing so with gods help you get get through the tougher parts of life. 

4. Most fights are stupid. I think when you fight with your spouse a lot of the time you are fighting over the little things. I was told once that arguments are like a fire. You are constantly trying to put out the smoke instead of dealing with the fire itself. 

4.The most important phrase in marriage is I Love You. You can never ever in a million years say this to many times. 

5. The second most important phrase in marriage is I am Sorry. And sometimes saying sorry when you don't think you did anything wrong. Whether your right or wrong saying sorry is important. 

6. Money causes a lot of fights. Whether you have a little or a lot money will cause fights. Being financially stable is a good thing but it is silly to argue over money. 

7. Date nights, deep conversations, and taking trips together will make you closer. You need to get off the couch and out of the house sometimes. Don't become the couple that never leaves the house and is constantly in front of the TV or computer. Take time and spend it with each other having fun. 

8. Communication is key. If your not talking your not growing together. Even the little stuff is important like asking how your spouses day went. If you can't talk about the small things how will you be able to talk about the big things.

9. Do not let anger dominate your relationship. Anger causes problems. You need to let go of the anger and learn to forgive. If your holding a grudge or are angry over something that happened in the past you won't be able to move forward in your marriage. 

10. It's worth it. Being married to your best friend is worth it. Even when your fighting amd really don't like each other, you will still love each other. At the end of the day you have each other by your side always. Marriage is a beautiful thing. 

       I look forward to the day when I will fight with my hubby over the dishes in the sink and how he won't put the lid on the tooth paste. I am excited for the long nights just talking and  laughing. I can't wait to start a family and enjoy our happily ever after together. I view dating  so much differently then before my first marriage. I am looking for a partner. Someone who is going to make my burdens lighter so I can do the same for him. We will be equal in all aspects of our marriage. I am grateful for the lessons I learned being married and that I can take those into my next one whenever that may be. 

Please share this post on Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest if you know anyone who would benefit from reading. My purpose in writing is to inspire people and the only way I can do that is with your help by sharing my blog with others. 

Thank You for your Support!

Lessons Learned...... Part One

         I was speaking with someone about my divorce recently and he asked me what I had learned from my divorce. This question sparked a lot of emotions in me. I have thought about this before but had never sat down and listed the things I have learned. As I started doing just that I realized what he asked was really a two part question. This is how I broke it down:

1- What lessons have I learned from my divorce?

and 

2 - What lessons have I learned about marriage?

   

So today I am going to start with part one of the question. 

Lessons Learned from my Divorce

1. Being lonely is better then being miserable together. I had many times in my marriage I just felt so miserable. Even though being lonely is horrible it is better then feeling hopeless in my marriage. 

2. Today's test is tomorrows testimony. I truly feel I had learned so much from the past years experiences and am grateful for the things I have learned. 

3. Everyone has pain in their lives. I'd rather inspire others then dwell on my own pain. Especially though this blog and all the wonderful emails I have received of people sharing their stories  with me. There are so many are in need of love and support. I am so humbled that so many people are able to relate to my experiences and understand the pain I went through. 

4. Divorce gave me the motivation for personal growth and change in my own life. My divorce really made me take a look at my own life and see what need to change and be fixed. I feel like I am a different person today then 12 months ago. Personally I am proud of myself and the changes I have made. 

5. Just because I asked for the divorce didn't make it easier. People ask me all the time why the divorce was so hard even though I was the one who eventually asked for the divorce. I never wanted a divorce and unless you have been through one do you know how hard it is. 

6. Gratitude. I really learned about gratitude. I am so thankful for everything that has been given to me. I truly see Heavenly Fathers hand in my life everyday.

7.Who really care about me. It was amazing to see the people who stepped up to help me when I was going through this trial. I am was also shocked to see people who I thought were my friends disappear. 

8.  Not to care what people think. I was really concerned about what people would think of me. I married at the young age of 19 and then divorced three years later. At one point I had to stop worry about other people and just worry about me and what was best for my life. I was judged by a lot for my decisions but it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is how I feel about it. 

9. Self Worth. I can't put into words how low I felt about myself. Someone said to me at one point that it was too bad that I was "Used Goods" now. I was so hurt. I felt like dirt. It took time but I know I am worth a whole lot more then just dirt. 

10. I am stronger then I thought possible. I am grateful for this challenge in my life. I am much happier then ever before. I am a strong woman and I know how to stand on my own two feet. I feel like I can take anything on. I know I will have other trials in my life but I know I can make it though anything. 

Tomorrow look for Part Two:

Lessons Learned about Marriage

Please share this post on  Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest if you know anyone who would benefit from reading. My purpose in writing is to inspire people and the only way I can do that is with your help by sharing my blog with others. 

Thank You for your Support! 

A Love Story

       My little sister is married! And she made the most gorgeous bride. Devan and Gentry were married on May 21, 2013. I am so happy for these two. Devan is truly a wonderful man. I love when I catch him looking at Gentry and I can see all the love he holds for her. Their wedding day was so beautiful. Gentry had a vision for her wedding that she wanted and she pulled it off perfectly. If you want to see some more photos head to her blog and check them out. It was a great day. 

        These two are wonderful examples of soul mates. I love how completely perfect they are together. Devan calms Gent down in a way I didn't know was possible until she met him. And Gentry brings out a side of Devan that is fun and playful. Like every couple they do fight sometimes but I know these two are going to grow grey and old watching their grand babies grow up.  I was honored to be apart of their wedding day when Gentry asked me to be a Bridesmaid and her Maid of Honor.

       In the weeks leading up to her wedding Gentry moved in with me for about a month. My house became wedding central. There was stuff everywhere! Flowers and ribbons and paper and pictures. We would stay up late working on projects and talking about life. I truly treasure these weeks with Gentry. We became even closer as sisters. Quickly though the wedding was upon us. 

          I was so excited for Gent to be getting married! Gentry and Devan were married in the LDS Temple in Draper, Utah. In the LDS church when a couple is married in the temple they are sealed for Time and All Eternity. It is a very sacred ceremony. Me and my other sister McKay, who was also a bridesmaid, arrived at the temple about 30 minutes before the ceremony was to take place. We walked into the temple and were shown into a waiting room until closer to the sealing.

         In the waiting room it was quiet and peaceful. Both families were there waiting to be shown into the Sealing room. You could feel the love in the room for Devan and Gentry. My mom was crying already and there was a smile on every face. Soon the ceremony took place. I remember walking into the room and seeing Gentry. She looked so beautiful but even more then her outside beauty I could see her inside beauty radiating. 

        In preparing for this day I never in a million years thought it would be anything but a happy day. And it was! It also was a hard day. As a sat next to McKay watching my sister marry the love of her life I felt a huge pain in my heart. I didn't realize it until I was sitting in that room that this was the first wedding I had been to since my divorce. As a sat there listening to the words that were being said I couldn't help but think back three years to when I was being married.

       I was so happy for them but my heart was breaking. I was a mess. I started balling and could barely keep it in. I was trying so hard to not let Gentry see me so upset. McKay was holding my hand. She understood what I was feeling. I thought of my failed marriage. I want this for myself. I want to be married to the love of my life and start a family. I was very jealous of Gentry for a minute. It was so hard knowing I had EXACTLY what I always wanted but lost it. I wanted what Gentry and Devan had but for some reason it didn't work out the first time. 

       At the reception later that night I cried again when Gentry danced with my dad and then her first dance with Devan as husband and wife. I cried when I watched their wedding video that had been made for them. I cried when he told her how much he loved her. It all just reminded me of photo albums I have tried to forgot about of my wedding day. The majority of that day was wonderful. We danced and laughed and had a great time. There was only a handful of moments that were hard. A few people noticed how I had been crying randomly throughout the day. I didn't want anyone to worry about me since it was Gentry's day but I was shown so much love and support that day.

     So thank you to my uncle Jim. Your words meant so much to me. Thank you Amy, TC, and McKay. You were there for me the entire day. You ladies seemed to know exactly when I needed a hug or a kind word. Also thanks to my Mom for being my biggest support system.

      I don't have any doubt that someday I will have another wedding but this time it will be the one that lasts. I don't know when it will happen and I don't know who the groom will be but I do know that it will be different this next time. There isn't any rush either. I am going to get my love story and it has a happily ever after this time. 

Congrats Gentry and Devan on starting your life together! I love you both!

Please share this post on  Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest if you know anyone who would benefit from reading. My purpose in writing is to inspire people and the only way I can do that is with your help by sharing my blog with others. 

Thank You for your Support! 

I'll be fine. Just not today.

           

We all have days like this. 

And I had one recently.

     I tend to over analyze everything. I do it a lot. But tonight I am frustrated. Being divorced and starting to date again has been hard. I remember my first date after my divorce was final. I was so nervous. I was shaking in my boots. My mom was trying to calm me down and tell me everything was going to be okay. It worked and that date went fine. 

         

           That first date is a story for another day though. The only reason I mention it is just to show that I made it through that date. Since then dating has still been hard but it has gotten easier. I still get just as nervous every time. When a date is coming to pick me up for the 30 minutes before he is supposed to pick me up, you will find me pacing back and forth and checking the mirror a thousand times to make sure everything looks just right. Basically I have a mini panic attack. Totally embarrassing and I am glad no one has to see it but myself. 

          

         Now I have had some pretty amazing dates in the past few months. I also have had some horrible ones. One thing I can tell you for certain though is I have horrible taste in men. I go out with a lot of liars. Usually I don't find this out til the second or third date though. I think I am cursed. The only reason I bring up my "Curse" is because it struck again tonight. But for another reason. 

          This last date nothing went wrong but also nothing went right. And I know I won't be hearing from him again. I just  know and I hate it. That's why I am frustrated. This guy was so great. On our first date he was so sweet and he made me laugh. We were also was able to talk seriously about important things. Not to mention I found him very good looking. I left that date hoping he would ask me out again. He did and I was excited. 

          Soon we were going out for a second time. I tried not to get my hopes up for this one though being cursed as I am. Up until this point the "Curse" has struck multiple times. I am not joking. For some reason these guys I meet feel the need to lie about the silliest things or something else goes horribly wrong. The worst part is I still want them to call me. I want to believe that there was still a chance. Sometimes I wonder if I am delusional. 

         I promise the delusion is gone after this last date. This date was going great up until the last 5 minutes. I think the last 5 minutes define the date so I have been trying to pay closer attention to these last few minutes. The whole night he was being honest and sweet and I had no complaints. And nothing major happened tonight during those crucial last few moments. Nothing good. Nothing bad. But I knew he wasn't the guy for me. He said goodnight and I shut my door. And I cried. I wanted us to click so badly.

           I sat on my kitchen floor and cried. I hit my head against the cabinet and tears poured down my face. He did nothing to make me upset all night. It wasn't even his fault. He will probably never know what happened after he left. I felt really down about myself. And the reason I felt this way is simple. Because nothing bad happen. I wish he would have been a jerk and treated me poorly and then I could hate him and never think of him again. I figured there must be something wrong with me. This is how I was feeling as I sat on my kitchen floor weeping to myself. 

           I took a while but I got up off the floor and did what I always do when I am upset. I called my mom. I told her about the date and she listened. She told me I was over analyzing the situation and that I am gorgeous and that if he doesn't call me, he is the one missing out. 

      I cried a lot that night but I feel better.  I really want to remember the way I felt sitting on my kitchen floor that night though. I want to remember that moment because it has been a big part of my journey post divorce. The moment I realized this chapter of my life is going to be an adventure that some days I will not want to be on. I want to remember this because one day I am going to meet a guy who will never make me feel second rate. And everything will "click". Then what I felt then will have been justified. It will have been worth the crazy adventure because it led me to meeting "him". 

            So I'll be fine. Just not today. 

Please share this post on  Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest if you know anyone who would benefit from reading. My purpose in writing is to inspire people and the only way I can do that is with your help by sharing my blog with others. 

Thank You for your Support! 

Brave

           

      When I decided to start writing I knew that I really wanted to do it in the form of a blog. I wanted to share what I was feeling because many times I felt so alone going through the divorce. I wanted to be there for someone else though my blog. I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk sometimes. More then once I thought to myself that I was the only person in the world who had ever felt like their world was ending and no one understood what I feeling. Luckily I did have a great friend who had been through a divorce and I could talk to but her. I remember asking her things like what she did with the wedding photos and how she managed her emotions during her divorce.  I also could talk to my parents. But most days I just felt alone. 

         I was very apprehensive when I decided this is how I wanted to write out my thoughts. I was worried my ex and his family would read my thoughts and think I was out of line. I was nervous I would be judged on how I handled certain situations. I was anxious that no one would read anything I wrote. I was certain everyone who read it was going to tell me that I was a horrible writer and I should stop before anyone else could read my blog. Greater then any of the those fears though I wanted to share my story.  That if anyone in a similar situation as mine read my words that they would be comforted and not feel so alone. 

       Writing those first couple posts was hard. I spent hours on them. Writing and rewriting them. Making sure they were perfect. A couple of times I wanted to pull the plug and just delete everything I had written because of the knots in my stomach. As I was typing late one night I was listening to some music and the song "Brave" by Sara Bareilles came on. 

"Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave"

         This line spoke to me. I had to be brave and write from my heart. I had to be honest about my feelings. And I started fresh from the begining.  And I wrote until I felt I said exactly what I wanted to say. Then I knew it was time to share it. The second the first post went live I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. The next couple days were crazy! I couldn't believe my blog stats. So many people were reading and were contacting me. I received many emails and texts with very sweet messages about what I had written. It meant the world to me that what I had written had been well received. I am so grateful for everyone who has been apart of all of this. Honestly your support has meant the world to me and I want to thank everyone for reading! 

 
        Now every time I am writing a post I turn on a playlist with music that inspires me. "Brave" is on that list. Watch the music video and listen to the song and feel inspired to do something Brave in your life! 

Lyrics to "Brave" by Sara Bareilles

You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love

Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do

And they settle ‘neath your skin

Kept on the inside and no sunlight

Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down

By the enemy

Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing

Bow down to the mighty

Don’t run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence

Won’t do you any good

Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty

Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you 

Please share this post on  Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest if you know anyone who would benefit from reading. My purpose in writing is to inspire people and the only way I can do that is with your help by sharing my blog with others. 

Thank You for your Support!