19 and Married.
I look back on my wedding photos and I can't believe I was only 19. In my head at the time I felt so grown up. I was in love and I couldn't wait to marry this boy who was my world. It didn't matter that my parents begged me to wait or that the two of us fought so much. All you need is love and you can get through anything right?
Wrong. Dead wrong. I was newlywed and had a lot to learn. And I learned it fast. Sometimes it was good and sometimes were bad. But not every moment of my marriage was bad. In fact there was a lot to love. Sometimes the good stuff outweighed the bad. And other times the bad outweighed the good. But 2 1/2 years after the day I married that boy I loved so much we were talking about divorce. And it wasn't the first time.
Now I could go into the details of making this decision and the reasons behind it but I am not going to. It was a decision I prayed about fervently many times. After many trips to the marriage counselor, talking with our parents, and fighting to keep a marriage alive it was time to make a decision. This was the toughest choice I have ever made. Ever.
I felt like a horrible person. There were parts of my marriage that I couldn't tell anyone about. Reasons I wanted out of my marriage but I knew that I couldn't share them with anyone but my close family. And because of this I was worried about what people would say. I couldn't tell them the reasons why I made my decision. I dreaded the day when it became public knowledge about my divorce.
But that day came. Even though I couldn't share anything specific about the divorce my mom wrote a little something up to explain what was going on. I was so nervous. I did not expect that outpouring of love and support I received. I did expect the judgement and talking about me behind my back but it was much less then what I had originally thought it would be.
It has now been a year since that day I started telling people about my divorce. And what a crazy year it has been and here I am now.
23 and Divorced.
And slowly moving forward.
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